( The chinese flowergirls that went with the walima theme.. the outfits came out pretty cuyoot)Hmmm.... a lil overdaramatized (some of the stuff was from the wedding the week before)Written in a fit of exasperation to convey my mAD families madness...
It was when I began to contemplate the difference between complex and complicated that I knew the situation was getting out of hand. It was the middle of the night and I awoke with sweaty palms and a frozen shoulder. It took me a little while to make sense of things as I lay there exhausted after 3 sleepless nights. I smiled cynically when I realised that the sweaty palms were not because of fear but because my hands were encased in a thin film of plastic to protect my hands that were covered in intricately painted henna. Another uncomfortable Indian wedding tradition.
An Indian wedding is complex because it deals with the volatility and unpredictability of human interaction – this intense complex, spicy web of cousins, chachas, chachis, nanis, dadis the connections from overseas and the Aunt of my second cousin twice removed who I suspect was just a fraud who was taking advantage of the wedding to get free boarding and lodging. I even went as far as testing her knowledge of the family tree in order to unmask her charade. She passed with flying colours but I still had my doubts. She was a slim Aunty that one.
It all started when dear cousin Haroon announced his intention to marrying Shaeeda. First began the charade of the elders proposing and then waiting expectantly for an answer. We all knew that this was all cut and dried and just a protocol to show the community that tradition was being followed. The wedding couple had already decided and there was no changing that. Then began the endless phone calls between his mother and her mother as to the date of the wedding. Christmas weekend was out as there were no hired help to be had. The first week of January was out because it was the school rush and it did not suit the grooms family as this would affect the retail sales of stationery and school uniforms from the family retail stores. The second week of January was not suitable for the brides family as Foi from L.A had another wedding to attend to and could not make it. Things were really getting desperate and I being impatient and seeing chances of my wearing a beautiful outfit going through the window suggested to a great consternation and a fainting fit from the grooms mother that Foi should be forgotten, and that the store should be closed for one day. Finally the 3rd week in January was settled on after cries from mothers that this was the opening week of school and the wedding would disrupt there school going kids. I scoffed at this silly objection and live to regret this when 2 days into the school term my brother through up in front of the Westville boys high school gates, I lost an entire school day shivering under blankets with a high fever an a headache that lasted for three days. It was all those late nights leading up to the wedding. Another lesson was learnt- Never underestimate the wisdom of an Indian mother and no one is superhero. The laws of the universe still hold wedding or no wedding and anything less than a good seven hour sleep can lead to absolute ruin.
How we got through the wedding in one piece with sanity and family name intact is still a source of great wonderment to me. I almost lost my faith in my fellow human beings as we tallied the endless broken promises and let downs. The wedding planner in her great wisdom and grossly overestimating her capacity for work and her talent booked two weddings back to back one on a Sunday and another on Monday. While checking in on the monday wedding, her car keys were waylaid by the family who insisted she finish of the hall decorations and held her captive. Our hall was half done and a riot almost ensued when the news came through. The young blood wanted to rush of to the opposing wedding to deal with this atrocity in a high handed manner and were duly restrained by shrieking mothers who feared that this would lead to a mafia style fracas that would leave there sons disabled for the rest of there lives. Finally Uncle Mohammed the towns tycoon had to intervene with the offending family who released the now very harried and distraught wedding planner. Then began the all night vigil by all members of the family to ready the hall and to save the family name from a disgrace that we would never recover from.
The list of misfortunes were endless. There was Uncle Hassan who embarrassed the entire family by announcing that he was the Ghar Jammay ( lived with his in laws), the groom pitched up ½ an hour late to the reception and our entire family missed receiving the brides family at our reception as everyone was running late due to the previous nights sleepless vigil and the extensive time spent on hair and makeup.
I still wakeup with a cold sweat at night with horrifying dreams of all that had occurred and I have come to the firm conclusion that the intricacies of an Indian wedding far surpass even the construction of the most complicated Jet Plane. I look back on all the hysterics, tears, tantrums and drama wasted on one wedding and all I can do is shake my head and marvel. It is quite astonishing to note that I have actually lived to tell the tale.The defining point for me was on the supper table, post-wedding when my dad proclaimed that he would actually pay me double what my wedding would cost if I had no wedding at all!
An optimist would say that our wedding mayhem and hysteria almost always results in the most entertaining,colourful weddings, a pessimist would wonder why Indians even bother to get married. I say, I intend on eloping… or my all-time favourite JUST NOT GETTING MARRIED!!
An Indian wedding is complex because it deals with the volatility and unpredictability of human interaction – this intense complex, spicy web of cousins, chachas, chachis, nanis, dadis the connections from overseas and the Aunt of my second cousin twice removed who I suspect was just a fraud who was taking advantage of the wedding to get free boarding and lodging. I even went as far as testing her knowledge of the family tree in order to unmask her charade. She passed with flying colours but I still had my doubts. She was a slim Aunty that one.
It all started when dear cousin Haroon announced his intention to marrying Shaeeda. First began the charade of the elders proposing and then waiting expectantly for an answer. We all knew that this was all cut and dried and just a protocol to show the community that tradition was being followed. The wedding couple had already decided and there was no changing that. Then began the endless phone calls between his mother and her mother as to the date of the wedding. Christmas weekend was out as there were no hired help to be had. The first week of January was out because it was the school rush and it did not suit the grooms family as this would affect the retail sales of stationery and school uniforms from the family retail stores. The second week of January was not suitable for the brides family as Foi from L.A had another wedding to attend to and could not make it. Things were really getting desperate and I being impatient and seeing chances of my wearing a beautiful outfit going through the window suggested to a great consternation and a fainting fit from the grooms mother that Foi should be forgotten, and that the store should be closed for one day. Finally the 3rd week in January was settled on after cries from mothers that this was the opening week of school and the wedding would disrupt there school going kids. I scoffed at this silly objection and live to regret this when 2 days into the school term my brother through up in front of the Westville boys high school gates, I lost an entire school day shivering under blankets with a high fever an a headache that lasted for three days. It was all those late nights leading up to the wedding. Another lesson was learnt- Never underestimate the wisdom of an Indian mother and no one is superhero. The laws of the universe still hold wedding or no wedding and anything less than a good seven hour sleep can lead to absolute ruin.
How we got through the wedding in one piece with sanity and family name intact is still a source of great wonderment to me. I almost lost my faith in my fellow human beings as we tallied the endless broken promises and let downs. The wedding planner in her great wisdom and grossly overestimating her capacity for work and her talent booked two weddings back to back one on a Sunday and another on Monday. While checking in on the monday wedding, her car keys were waylaid by the family who insisted she finish of the hall decorations and held her captive. Our hall was half done and a riot almost ensued when the news came through. The young blood wanted to rush of to the opposing wedding to deal with this atrocity in a high handed manner and were duly restrained by shrieking mothers who feared that this would lead to a mafia style fracas that would leave there sons disabled for the rest of there lives. Finally Uncle Mohammed the towns tycoon had to intervene with the offending family who released the now very harried and distraught wedding planner. Then began the all night vigil by all members of the family to ready the hall and to save the family name from a disgrace that we would never recover from.
The list of misfortunes were endless. There was Uncle Hassan who embarrassed the entire family by announcing that he was the Ghar Jammay ( lived with his in laws), the groom pitched up ½ an hour late to the reception and our entire family missed receiving the brides family at our reception as everyone was running late due to the previous nights sleepless vigil and the extensive time spent on hair and makeup.
I still wakeup with a cold sweat at night with horrifying dreams of all that had occurred and I have come to the firm conclusion that the intricacies of an Indian wedding far surpass even the construction of the most complicated Jet Plane. I look back on all the hysterics, tears, tantrums and drama wasted on one wedding and all I can do is shake my head and marvel. It is quite astonishing to note that I have actually lived to tell the tale.The defining point for me was on the supper table, post-wedding when my dad proclaimed that he would actually pay me double what my wedding would cost if I had no wedding at all!
An optimist would say that our wedding mayhem and hysteria almost always results in the most entertaining,colourful weddings, a pessimist would wonder why Indians even bother to get married. I say, I intend on eloping… or my all-time favourite JUST NOT GETTING MARRIED!!
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